Hmm... Bumpy second day

          I only wish to see the day

          But to predict, I cannot say

          When clouds will rise and sun will shine

          When fruits will blossom on the vine

Well, I'm off to a bumpy second day on the meds. Since I took the 50mg dose this morning I've been feeling really jittery. I can't quite put my finger on what it feels like but I feel kind of short of breath. I feel like I've had too much caffeine. I was warned of this possibility, I'm just not sure what to do about it. Ride it out and contact my doctor on Monday.

I don't feel good like I did yesterday and it worries me. Maybe I was being overly optimistic in my "Things are getting better already..." post yesterday. I know it actually takes awhile for the effect to really kick in. I don't know what I expected and I know I shouldn't be discouraged but it's been a tough day. I'm tired but too anxious to take a nap but I don't have the energy to do much.

Currently I'm just sitting here on the couch and seeing if things mellow out; it's been like 8 hours since I took the 1/2 pill. I started a bunch of posts based on the "365 Tao" book that I've used for previous posts but am lacking the words to riff off of them right now. The headings are Nonanticipation 112, Acceptance 113, Beginning 1, Healing 11 and each of them resonates on different levels but I'm not ready to put my thoughts down; maybe later.

Today I'm feeling very uncertain about my treatment. I understand there can be ups and downs, crests and troughs. I feel like I'm in a trough right now. My outing tomorrow seems like a ways off and I've got a lot of time between now and then to think and try to get out of this funk.


update: It's 3:15am -gawdamit i only got four hours and now I'm wide fucking awake! this is gonna be a lot tougher than I thought. :(