Update on Tangie

Today, I'm coming to the realization that my time left with Tangie is short. Excuse the graphic nature of this post; it's the reality of the situation. A few months ago I had to start him on Lactulose because he wasn't moving solids very effectively. Initially, I had to give him the supplement orally but it was so hard, both logistically and emotionally. I'd have to wrestle with him and try to get the medicine into his mouth. It was nearly impossible to hold him, pry his mouth open and administer the supplement. Invariably, he'd jerk away at the last second and the sticky clear solution would go all over his fur and me and the floor or his little fluffy bed. To add to the difficulty, I had to give two syringes full since one didn't hold enough of the solution.

Fortunately, an alternative was presented. There is a place in Tualatin called Northwest Compounders that makes the same medicine but flavored. I was able to get chicken-flavored Lactulose. This allowed me to put it directly on his food and he seems to like it. It's been going okay for the past few months like this. He has had a few scary moments; I almost took him to the emergency animal hospital, Dove Lewis, in the middle of the night. He was wandering around the house, meowing and appearing to be very uncomfortable. He hid under the coffee table where he goes when I get the vacuum cleaner out. I crawled under there to pet him but he recoiled at my caresses. Fortunately, he later climbed onto the couch and fell asleep hard. I didn't end up taking him and let him sleep. When I woke up the next morning he seemed to be in better shape and not nearly as whiny as he'd become leading up to that episode. So I thought we were in better shape -- and we were. His ability to move solids wasn't great but it least things were moving through to some degree.

Last Friday, March 19, it had been a few days since he last had a bowel movement. He was really uncomfortable. He'd sit at the top of the stairs and meow at me. He wouldn't come down to me on the couch. I didn't know what to do for him. He still had a voracious appetite but when he'd finish eating his dinner, he'd come into the living room and flop on the ground on his side and whine a little. I knew I had to have him looked at.

He's 16 years old.. and has battled urinary tract problems and a long-standing heart murmur.




At the vet visit last Friday, they x-rayed him and gave him an enema. It helped clear things out and I had high hopes that this was just another bump in the road. I was prepared to take him back the following day but he seemed to be better.

On Tuesday, I got a call from the doctor to follow-up on his condition. I told her that he hadn't moved any solids since last Friday when we got home from the last visit. This concerned her. She wanted me to start him on Cisapride to supplement the Lactulose.

This is supposed to help increase the intestinal contractions and stimulate things. I had the choice of either a capsule to be administered twice a day or another solution from NW Compounders. I went for the later since giving it orally is too tough for us both. I gave him a 0.5mL dose yesterday morning and afternoon and again today. So far it hasn't seemed to help.

At 3pm I'm going to take him back to the vet so they can check him out and probably give him another enema to move things along. I fear this is just to buy me some time to say goodbye :( .. I don't want him to suffer but besides this, he seems to be in pretty good shape given his age and medical history. I was hoping for a clearer sign. Other people I talked with who've had to deal with their pets' end-of-life, there was a clearer sign like rapid weight loss or loss of appetite and unwillingness to get out of their bed. With Tangie, he is still somewhat active. He still likes to go outside and sniff around. He'll go across the driveway and investigate the other porch (and probably the smells from the cat next door.) He still has a hearty appetite and drinks water healthily. I have his food in the kitchen which forces him to come downstairs to eat and at least get that kind of exercise.

I just don't know if the time is right. Again, I don't want him to suffer but I don't want to end his life prematurely. He's been with me through so many of life's ups and downs. I probably put too much stock in his role. I'm kind of an introvert and we've spent a lot of time together. My other cat is a real sweetie but Tangie is very outgoing, vocal, loving tabby. (He's sitting here next to me on the couch as I type this blog entry).

I want to make the right choice but I feel paralyzed by the inevitable truth. His body is breaking down and I may not get that "signal" I was hoping for. I'm supposed to go to Brawley next weekend. My dilemma is if things don't turn around, I will have to put him to sleep (GULP!). I'm afraid if I don't, I'll be preoccupied over the three days wondering if he's okay.. knowing that the cat sitter is not able to give him the attention he needs since both cats typically hide under the bed with visitors and strangers. It would be next to impossible to expect the sitter to administer anything orally. The alternative is that I put him down before I go but then I'll likely be filled with those emotions during the trip down there. Given my mental state right now with other things, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Neither option seems very good right now.

I know the visit today is just to buy me some more time, not necessarily for Tangie. It feels very selfish but again, it just doesn't seem like he's in great pain right now but probably uncomfortable. Fuck! I don't know what to do. I need to talk with the vet. Unfortunately, the doctor who I've been seeing is not in the office today. I'm going to another vet who's only seen Tangie once or twice. It's not that I don't think I'll get good advice but if I remember, she didn't quite have the same bedside manner as the other doctor. My mom is running an errand in Vancouver so I'm going to have to face this alone. I could probably call Elle for support but I think I save that call for when I have to actually put Tangie down; I'll likely need the support then more than ever. It may best to let him go about the time I see my counselor again.

Ugh.. I'm giving myself anxiety. I'll end this post and add an update after today's vet visit.

Wish me luck ... (gulp).

I will certainly post another entry to remember Tangie instead of just focusing on these last few months.

He's been the best kitty ever.. I love him so much..

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Update: at the doctor's recommendation, I left Tangie there for the rest of the afternoon. I'm going to pick him up at 5:30p. They're hopeful that this second enema will get things back on track.

She did say that the Cisapride takes a few days to start working. I was under the impression that I'd see results within the same day or at least within 24 hrs. They're gonna have me increase the dosage of Lactulose to 12mL a day, or three doses of 4mL.

She also said that I could supplement his fluid intake intravenously but that scares me. I know how awful it was for my mom to do that with Princess. Her quality of life was diminished when my mom started that therapy. When I told the vet about my prior experience and how Princess reacted, she said she didn't think Tangie had that same personality and would like adapt okay to it.

It just sickens me that I'm prolonging his suffering to postpone my own. I guess I'll just have to take it one step at a time. That is all for now.